Families, Relationships and Societies
An international journal of research and debate

The couple norm in single men’s digital stories

Authors:
Anu KinnunenTampere University, Finland

Search for other papers by Anu Kinnunen in
Current site
Google Scholar
Close
https://orcid.org/0000-0003-4222-6019
and
Ilkka PietiläUniversity of Helsinki, Finland

Search for other papers by Ilkka Pietilä in
Current site
Google Scholar
Close
https://orcid.org/0000-0002-3830-3619
Restricted access
Get eTOC alerts
Rights and permissions Cite this article

The number of people living alone is increasing in Finland (; ), in Europe () and globally. Individualisation is growing, and many public institutions are adjusting to the rising number of single clientele. At the same time, the couple norm persists, and monogamous partnering is still often seen as the most appropriate way to organise intimate adult life. In this study, we analysed the written stories of 19 single men aged 29–64 and found that the couple norm was predominant in their stories. Internalisation of the norm caused feelings of inadequacy, a lack of self-appreciation and uncertainty about the future. Many men attributed their singlehood to events in their past and felt a lack of agency at present.

  • Apostolou, M. (2019) Why men stay single: evidence from Reddit, Evolutionary Psychological Science, 5: 8797.

  • Baxter, J. (2016) Positioning language and identity: poststructuralist perspectives, in S. Preece (ed) The Routledge Handbook of Language and Identity, New York: Routledge, pp 3439.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Beck, U. and Beck-Gernsheim, E. (2001) Individualization: Institutionalized Individualism and Its Social and Political Consequences, London: Sage.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Budgeon, S. (2008) Couple culture and the production of singleness, Sexualities, 11(3): 30125.

  • Byrne, A. (2000) Singular identities: managing stigma, resisting voices, Women’s Studies Review, 7: 1324.

  • Byrne, A. and Carr, D. (2005) Caught in the cultural lag: the stigma of singlehood, Psychological Inquiry, 16(2&3): 8491.

  • Carter, J. and Duncan, S. (2018) Reinventing Couples: Tradition, Agency and Bricolage, London: Palgrave Macmillan.

  • Connell, R.W. and Messerschmidt, J.W. (2005) Hegemonic masculinity: rethinking the concept, Gender and Society, 19(6): 82959.

  • DePaulo, B. and Morris, W.L. (2005) Singles in society and science, Psychological Inquiry, 16(2&3): 5783.

  • Eurostat (2020a) Number of private households by household composition, number of children and age of youngest child (1 000). LFST_HHNHTYCH, https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/databrowser/view/lfst_hhnhtych/default/table?lang=en.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Eurostat (2020b) Household composition statistics, https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/statistics-explained/index.php/Household_composition_statistics.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Goffman, E. (1990) Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity, London: Penguin.

  • Gunnarsson, L. (2014) Loving him for who he is – the microsociology of power, in L. Gunnarsson (ed) The Contradictions of Love: Towards a Feminist-Realist Ontology of Sociosexuality, London/New York: Routledge, pp 97110.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Henriksson, A. (2019) Singles’ activities: Sociability and the ambiguities of singledom, Families, Relationships and Societies, 8(1): 3752.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Hostetler, A.J. (2009) Single by choice? Assessing and understanding voluntary singlehood among mature gay men, Journal of Homosexuality, 56(4): 499531.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Jamieson, L. (1999) Intimacy transformed? A critical look at the ‘pure relationship’, Sociology, 33(3): 47794.

  • Javaid, A. (2021) A table for one: the homosexual single and the absence of romantic love, in C.H. Mayer and E. Vanderheiden (eds) International Handbook of Love: Transcultural and Transdisciplinary Perspectives, New York: Springer, pp 391403.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Kinnunen, A. and Kontula, O. (2018) Miesten parisuhteettomuuden yhteys hyvinvointiin [Men’s singleness and well-being], Sosiaalilääketieteellinen Aikakauslehti [Journal of Social Medicine], 55(1): 2234.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Kinnunen, A. and Kontula, O. (2021) Suhteetonta elämää – parisuhteettomien onnellisuustekijät [Lone living - Happiness factors of single lives], Janus Sosiaalipolitiikan Ja Sosiaalityön Tutkimuksen Aikakauslehti [Janus Journal of Social Policy and Social Work Research], 29(2): 14159.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Kolehmainen, M., Kinnunen, A. and Lahti, A. (2020) Parittomuuden politiikat? : sinkkuus suomalaisessa julkisessa keskustelussa [The politics of pairlessness: singlehood in the public debate in Finland], Yhteiskuntapolitiikka [Public Policy], 85(4): 37081.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Lahad, K. (2017) A Table for One: A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time, Manchester: Manchester University Press.

  • Lahad, K. (2019) Stop waiting! Hegemonic and alternative scripts of single women’s subjectivity, Time & Society, 29(2): 499520.

  • Machin, D. and Mayr, A. (2012) How to Do Critical Discourse Analysis: A Multimodal Introduction, London: Sage.

  • McCann, B.R. and Allen, K.R. (2018) Romantic forecasts in later life: older single women’s perspectives on family and kin relationships, Journal of Family Issues, 39(3): 74770.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Moore, J. and Radtke, H.L. (2015) Starting ‘real’ life: women negotiating a successful midlife single identity, Psychology of Women Quarterly, 36(3): 30519.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Morris, C. and Munt, S.R. (2020) Classed formations of shame in White, British single mothers, Feminism & Psychology, 29(2): 23149.

  • Morris, W.L., Sinclair, S. and DePaulo, B.M. (2007) No shelter for singles: the perceived legitimacy of marital status discrimination, Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 10(4): 45770.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • OSF (Official Statistics of Finland) (2020a) Dwellings and Housing Conditions, Appendix, Table 1: Household-dwelling units by number of persons 1960–2020, Helsinki: Tilastokeskus.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • OSF (2020b) Changes in Marital Status 2019, Helsinki: Tilastokeskus.

  • OSF (2021) Births 2020, Helsinki: Statistics Finland.

  • Opp, K.D. and Hecter, M. (2001) Social Norms, New York: Russell Sage Foundation.

  • Parker, I. (2013) Discourse analysis: dimensions of critique in psychology, Qualitative Research in Psychology, 10(3): 22339.

  • Pateman, C. (1988) The Sexual Contract, Cambridge: Polity.

  • Perry, S. (2020) Does Low-cost sexual gratification make men less eager to marry? Pornography use, masturbation, hookup sex, and desire to be married among single men, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49: 301326.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Pietilä, I., Jurva, R., Ojala, H. and Tammela, T. (2018) Seeking certainty through narrative closure: men’s stories of prostate cancer treatments in a state of liminality, Sociology of Health & Illness, 40(4): 63953.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Potter, J. (2019) Work and intimacy: reassessing the career/couple norm through a narrative case approach, Sociological Research Online, 24(3): 26177.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Reynolds, J., Wetherell, M. and Taylor, S. (2007) Choice and chance: negotiating agency in narratives of singleness, Sociological Review, 55(2): 33151.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Roseneil, S., Crowhurst, I., Hellesund, T., Santos, A.C. and Stoilova, M. (2020) The Tenacity of the Couple-Norm: Intimate Citizenship Regimes in a Changing Europe, London: UCL Press.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Simpson, R. (2006) The intimate relationships of contemporary spinsters, Sociological Research Online, 11(3).

  • Simpson, R. (2016) Singleness and Self-identity: the significance of partnership status in the narratives of Never-married women, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(3): 385400.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Stack, S. and Scourfield, J. (2015) Recency of divorce, depression, and suicide risk, Journal of Family Issues, 36(6): 695715.

  • Stutzer, A. and Frey, B.S. (2006) Does marriage make people happy or do happy people get married?, Journal of Socio-Economics, 35: 32647.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Townsend, N. (2010) Package Deal: Marriage, Work and Fatherhood in Men’s Lives, Philadelphia, PA: Temple University Press.

  • Uğurlu, S.N., Türkoğlu, B., Kuzlak, A. and Gupta, A. (2021) Stereotypes of single and married women and men in Turkish culture, Current Psychology, 40: 21325.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Vallerand, R.J. and Ratelle, C.F. (2002) Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation: a hierarchical model, in E.L. Deci and R.M. Ryan (eds) Handbook of Self-Determination Research, Rochester, NY: The University of Rochester Press, pp 3758.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Watanabe, Y., Kimura, G., Taguchi, S., Uehara, Y. and Suematsu, Y. (2019) Single men have a higher morbidity risk of acute coronary syndrome at a younger age than married Men, Journal of Coronary Artery Disease, 25(4): 98101.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Wilkinson, E. (2020) Never after? Queer temporalities and the politics of Non-reproduction, Gender, Place & Culture, 27(5): 66076.

  • Woodman, D. (2009) The mysterious case of the pervasive choice biography: Ulrich Beck, structure/agency, and the middling state of theory in the sociology of youth, Journal of Youth Studies, 12(3): 24356.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Yip, P.S., Yousuf, S., Chan, C.H., Yung, T. and Wu, K.C.C. (2015) The roles of culture and gender in the relationship between divorce and suicide risk: a Meta-analysis, Social Science & Medicine), 128: 8794.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
  • Zaidi, B. and Morgan, S.P. (2017) The second demographic transition theory: a review and appraisal, Annual Review of Sociology, 43(1): 47392.

    • Search Google Scholar
    • Export Citation
Anu KinnunenTampere University, Finland

Search for other papers by Anu Kinnunen in
Current site
Google Scholar
Close
https://orcid.org/0000-0003-4222-6019
and
Ilkka PietiläUniversity of Helsinki, Finland

Search for other papers by Ilkka Pietilä in
Current site
Google Scholar
Close
https://orcid.org/0000-0002-3830-3619

Content Metrics

May 2022 onwards Past Year Past 30 Days
Abstract Views 173 173 20
Full Text Views 275 275 46
PDF Downloads 159 159 59

Altmetrics

Dimensions