Being transgender is never easy, yet it’s not a curse but a gift. None of us choose to be trans; it’s who we are. Like many of us, I knew at an early age that I was in the wrong body – I couldn’t change it at nine or in the decades since. It was a secret I hid from family and friends, only dressing alone in private as a girl and then a woman.
At almost 50, I came out in Holland as Pauline and had two years of therapy to find out why I am different, and I learned to love myself and to build my self-esteem ... zelfvertrouwen in Dutch, which encompasses self-esteem and self-love.
Life was not magically simpler, but accepting myself and loving myself made it more worthwhile, and I learnt to be an advocate for the trans community and to fight for us to be treated with respect and dignity as ordinary people.
This book is about how we want to be treated as we age – whether it’s being looked after in our homes, in hospitals, in care homes or hospices. All we ask is that you treat us with respect and dignity; as we age, we will make mistakes and sometimes appear to be the gender we were born as rather than the one we have chosen.
Many of us are estranged from our blood family, and our friends have become our family unit now. Please do not misgender us, and show us compassion and accept that our family unit is not always conventional.
There are many words of wisdom in this research; please read it and listen to why it’s important for all who are transgender like me.
It means a lot to me and all of us who contributed to this research. We are really just ordinary people, your sister or brother, grandad or grandma, aunt or uncle or your parent ... or neighbour.
Treat us as you would them: with kindness and respect.
Being Transgender and ageingIt’s hard being who we areThat special giftTo be both gendersAnd understandThe differences and similaritiesAnd as we age we look For acceptance, toleranceUnderstanding and empathyIt’s not much to ask for … we truly hopeMany of my peers came outLater in lifeFrightened of daring to take that huge stepAnd be vilified and abusedDiscrimination it’s calledI’m 75 now, trans and proud of who I amComfy as me in my own skinBeing Pauline is meBut I worry about my declining yearsWhat will happen to meIn hospital, a care home, a hospiceWill I be able to be safeWill the nurses and carers treat meAnd give me care as who I amOr who they seeCan I still be PaulineNeeding a shave and wantingTo wear my nightieOr will they sayYou are a manLet me and my peersRetain our dignityRespect our wants and treat usAs we want to be treatedAnd learn from the words in this book
Thank you,
Pauline Smith
