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- Author or Editor: Margaret Robinson x
- Life Stages and Intergenerationality x
This chapter aims to provide a description of the research and explain why it is important to discover more about grandparents’ roles in divorced families. It describes this book, which tells about grandparents whose sons or daughters have divorced. It discusses the findings of a two-year interdisciplinary research study at Cardiff University. It notes that the project was supported by a grant from the Nuffield Foundation and the research was completed in May 2001. It sets out to explore family members’ perceptions of the impact of divorce on grandparenting. It notes that the study is designed to provide a tri-generational perspective and information is gathered from interviews with parents, children, and maternal and paternal grandparents.
This chapter argues that research has progressed imperfectly but has now reached a stage in its development when it is important to ask new questions. It explains that these must go beyond the establishment of correlations between grandparent characteristics (age, gender, distance from grandchild’s home, and so forth) and begin to look at the causes and effects of grandparenting behaviour. It establishes from the outset what is known about grandparents and grandparenting.
This chapter asks ‘what importance do grandchildren attach to their relationship with their grandparents and how might these relationships be affected by divorce?’; and ‘is there evidence of continuity in the grandparent-grandchild relationship in divorced families as well as evidence of change as the result of family break-up’? It suggests the findings about the effects of parental divorce on the emotional bond between grandchildren and grandparents need to be accepted with some important reservations. It discovers that grandparents who were reluctant to get involved with their grandchildren before the divorce did not become more enthusiastic about grandparenting when the parents separated. It notes that the nature of the grandparent-grandchild relationship before the break-up of the family is, on this evidence, an important predictor of the post-divorce relationship.
This chapter focuses on grandchildren who have regular face-to-face contact with grandparents and the importance they and their grandparents attach to the grandparent-grandchild relationship. It notes that the interviews seek to discover what happens when grandparents and grandchildren spend time together. It suggests that it is important in accounting for grandparenting diversity to discover whether grandparents’ main priorities are their adult children or their grandchildren — in other words, where they might be positioned on the adult-centred/child-centred continuum. It also notes that grandparents’ personal styles and their skills in relating to children are determinants of the quality of their relationships with grandchildren and ‘fun-seekers’ are invariably the most popular grandparents.
This chapter considers the issues of child discipline and favouritism and ‘the rules’ that apply to the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren. It asks: 1) does the ‘norm of non-interference’ mean that grandparents should hesitate to discipline their grandchildren? 2) do grandparents often ‘spoil’ grandchildren, and do parents object to the grandparents’ indulgence and lax discipline? 3) are there rules about reprimanding grandchildren when a parent is present? 4) are grandparents who have been asked to provide regular childcare given free rein to discipline their grandchildren as if they were their own children? 5) do parents feel resentful when they learn that their ex-spouse’s parents have reprimanded their child for bad behaviour?
This chapter observes that once parents separate, grandparents on the mother’s side of the family often play a more significant role in supporting their daughter and caring for grandchildren, and maternal grandmothers often have a more influential role than their husbands, the maternal grandfathers. It notes that other research has concluded that both maternal and paternal grandmothers’ relationships with their grandchildren are different in quality from those of their husbands who are often less involved in childcare. It further notes that some grandparents in this study claimed that they conducted their grandparenting as ‘a couple’ or a ‘grandparenting unit’. It observes that these factors have led to a conception of a ‘grandparenting hierarchy’ in which grandmothers are ranked more highly than grandfathers and maternal grandparents take priority over paternal grandparents.
This chapter investigates grandparenting that took place in a broad range of family circumstances and does not have a particular focus on families in conflict. It explores the feelings of a small number of grandparents who are deprived of contact and comments on their strategies for coping with the problem. It notes that Cherlin and Furstenberg (1992), borrowing a phrase from Troll, describe grandparents as the ‘family watchdogs’. It further notes that these authors explain that the extended family comes into its own at times of crisis and not at times of ‘health and prosperity’.
This chapter explores how, and to what extent, the three generations in the group of divorced families communicated with each other about marriage breakdown and its consequences. It looks at the way that parents warned their own parents about their impending separation, and then investigates what the grandchildren told their mothers, fathers, and grandparents about their relationships with the ‘other side’ of their divided families. It also investigates whether or not children are used as conduits for the flow of information between the two sides of the divorced family.
This chapter observes that following parental separation and divorce, grandparents in this study usually sympathised with their adult child and criticised the behaviour of their ex-son-in-law or ex-daughter-in-law. It notes, however, that this is not the only strategy and, although it is recognised that divorce is a difficult process, some couples appeared to achieve reasonably harmonious arrangements and a minority of grandparents demonstrated that their non-partisan approach could also make a contribution to harmony. It further notes that most did not think about the longer-term implications of their relationships with an ex-child-in-law. It observes that they are often angry and some are bitterly partisan in their feelings. It further observes that some grandparents took sides after the break-up and continued to harbour strong feelings of resentment for their sons- or daughters-in-law long after their child’s marriage had ended. It notes that parents often reported that their own parents ceased contact with their ex-spouse because they held him or her responsible for the failure of the marriage. It observes that this is often presented as a natural feeling and one that might reasonably be expected of grandparents in a divorced family.
This chapter examines the range and extent of support that grandparents provided for parents and grandchildren, particularly after a marriage breakdown. It explores parents’ assumptions about grandparents’ support roles and considers the views of grandparents and their grandchildren about the help that they provided. It discusses how far grandparents are considered to be under an obligation to provide support, and how they responded to a ‘a sense of duty’.
