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79 Communicating in divorced families EIGHT Communicating in divorced families Introduction This chapter explores how, and to what extent, the three generations in our group of divorced families communicated with each other about marriage breakdown and its consequences. First, it looks at the way that parents warned their own parents about their impending separation, and then investigates what the grandchildren told their mothers, fathers and grandparents about their relationships with the ‘other side’ of their divided families. The chapter also investigates

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This book is the first in-depth exploration of grandparents’ relationships with adult children and grandchildren in divorced families. It asks what part grandparents might play in public policy and whether measures should be taken to support their grandparenting role. Do they have a special place in family life that ought to be recognised in law?

This ground-breaking book is intended for a wide readership. Grandparents and parents in divorced families will identify with many of the thoughts, feelings and experiences reflected here. Academics in social science and law departments will encounter new thinking about the nature of the grandchild-grandparent relationship. Policy makers will find out more about recent policy initiatives and their strengths and limitations.

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71 Grandparenting in divorced families: rights and policies SEVEN Grandparenting in divorced families: rights and policies Grandparents and parental divorce Research suggests that good quality contact between children in divorced families and their non-resident parent and grandparents is beneficial to their long-term adjustment (see Dunn and Deater-Deckard, 2001). There is a general conclusion that children’s continuing contact with both parents is likely to be helpful in enabling them to avoid adverse reactions to their parents’ divorce (Rodgers and Pryor, 1998

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paternal grandparents. In this chapter we aim to provide a description of the research and explain why we believe it is important to discover more about grandparents’ roles in divorced families. Introduction The breakdown of a marriage usually involves major readjustments for parents and children and a realignment of the network of contacts with friends and family. Mothers may need to make changes to the once familiar pattern of daily life and this often involves recruiting grandparents to provide support. Researchers have commented on the establishment of ‘matrilineal

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divorced families as well as evidence of change as the result of family break-up?’. Grandparent’s relationships with their grandchildren The studies reviewed in Chapter Two made it clear that grandparent age is related to the frequency of grandparents’ contact with their grandchildren and that older grandchildren have less contact with their grandparents. But does this mean that they are not as emotionally close to their grandparents? Here, we begin by considering the views of some teenage grandchildren and their feelings about their grandparents. They reported that

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expected of grandparents in a divorced family. Grandparents’ partisan feelings Twenty-five grandparenting couples and 11 lone grandparents in 30 different families were interviewed in the course of the research. There were 21 interviews with maternal grandparents and 15 with paternal grandparents. Five maternal and two paternal grandparents took an apparently neutral stance when asked about their relationship with their ex-child-in-law. They said that they were ‘civil’ and ‘polite’ to their child’s ex-spouse or explained that there was ‘no contact but no animosity

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their priority. Some grandchildren felt bored when grandparents devoted most of their attention 132 Grandparenting in divorced families to the parent and expected them to amuse themselves during visits to their grandparents’ house. • Finally, the ‘grandparent-as-parent–grandparent-as-grandparent’ continuum drew attention to the differences that responsibility for childcare can make to grandparents. Evidence of pre- and post-divorce continuities in grandparenting behaviour again emerged. We discovered that paternal grandparents in divorced families who were much

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Two of this book). Although this hierarchy is well established in the literature (Eisenberg, 1988; Creasey and Koblewski, 1991; Uhlenberg and Hammill, 1998; Findler, 2000), it is still important to ask, ‘Why does it exist?’. Is it simply that maternal grandparents, particularly in divorced families, have more opportunities to forge closer relationships? Maternal and paternal grandparenting Chan and Elder (2000) concluded that close relationships between grandchildren and their maternal grandparents could be explained by mothers’ relationships with their parents

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it when I’m there. If I’m not, then fine. There were, however, other resident parents who had reservations about grandparents’ lack of discipline. Janet’s mother noted that her nine-year-old daughter and her younger brother were in the habit of seeking their grandparents’ permission for things that their mother had already refused to grant. They just ask her [maternal grandmother] for anything and she’ll cave in, even if I said no. They’re not allowed to have it but she’ll just cave in. 48 Grandparenting in divorced families Ingrid’s mother also noted that her

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representative samples and sophisticated measures, few of them mention the problems of persuading families to take part in the research (discussed in Chapter One of this book). Hetherington and Stanley- Hagan (1999, p 130) in their study of the effects of divorce on children’s adjustment commented: 10 Grandparenting in divorced families It is unfortunate, however, that the large sociological survey studies with representative samples usually have inadequate measures and often single informants, whereas the smaller psychological studies, which use more refined and

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