Everything starts from empathy. How is this person feeling? How would it be for me if I were in their shoes? Having to flee your home from war, to leave your loved ones and your entire life behind to go to another country that you don’t know, whose language you do not speak, and have to rebuild your life there is one of the most difficult things someone could do, putting a huge strain on the mental wellbeing of refugee children and caregivers from Ukraine.

Rightfully, a huge wave of empathy emerged in Romania after the start of the war in Ukraine. Public authorities, non-governmental organisations (NGOs), private individuals and businesses showed an unprecedented mobilisation to care for the Ukrainians coming to Romania after the war started in February 2022. For the first months, everyone tried to support the refugees to the best of their capacity.

However, slowly, this enthusiasm started to fade. People were getting tired. They needed to get on with their lives. A very generous governmental programme to accommodate Ukraine refugees seemed to solve the problem. However, it started to create resentment, even though the money was not paid to the Ukrainians but to Romanian ‘entrepreneurs’ who were hosting the refugees.

Moreover, it was not clear how much of the money was coming from the European Commission (EC) set aside specifically for such emergency situations and how much was being paid by the Romanian government. So, even though the money was coming mainly from the EC, the growing perception of the public and even some decision makers was that the Romanian state was taking money from vulnerable Romanians to give to rich Ukrainians; meanwhile, photographs appeared in the media of some people with fancy cars and discussions started about how Ukrainian women had their nails painted. The empathy was dwindling.

Terre des hommes Romania, the Romanian branch of the influential international child protection NGO based in Switzerland, started to support Ukrainian refugees in March 2022 by setting up child-friendly spaces in the transit areas from Bucharest, offering information and psychological first aid to mothers and children, and distributing hygiene kits. While colleagues in Romania were setting up the operations, colleagues from our headquarters in Lausanne were identifying funding to support them. International colleagues who had previously worked in war-torn areas came to advise us.

A large team to support the refugees coming to Romania had to be recruited in just a few months. Many were people who had not previously worked in the NGO sector. The size of the organisation more than tripled. As an international organisation, we had different internal regulations to respect; we had to consult before making decisions and then get approval from even more people, all of which meant we could not do whatever we wanted and it took longer for us to act. This can be understood as a lack of empathy by some, when all you want to do is help people and alleviate their suffering.

I took over the coordination of the Ukraine Refugee Response in Romania in May 2022. While I had experience of coordinating large-scale projects involving many people and supporting their wellbeing, I did not have the experience of directly supporting refugees. I was, however, well aware of what was happening in the Romanian education and child social work systems, which helped me to discuss and find solutions suitable for the national context. This was important since some of the proposals we received, although well-intentioned, were appropriate for refugee camp settings in Iraq and Afghanistan but not for Romania. I also like to think that I managed to be both empathetic and realistic, qualities which I have tried to balance during my entire career in the humanitarian and social inclusion field.

As such, in my role I had the unpleasant task of informing my field colleagues that we cannot help everyone in every way possible; on the other hand, I had to work on convincing my colleagues in charge of compliance processes to find solutions to cater for the needs of those we aim to serve: vulnerable children and their caregivers.

While we did not have the flexibility and speed of response of the smaller NGOs and individual volunteers who were highly active in the first months of 2022, we were able to continue our support for the rest of that year, and in 2023 and 2024 as well. And we continue to do our best to find the necessary resources to support those who are most vulnerable in 2025.

Together with my more experienced colleagues in humanitarian aid, and keeping in mind the core expertise of Terre des hommes in child protection and mental health and psychosocial support (MHPSS), we set up an integrated system of services for refugee children and their families, which developed with time and was adapted according to the dynamics of the refugee crisis.

While the refugees needed short-term support to cover basic needs such as food, shelter and medical care, in the long term, it was equally important to ensure they remained or became more resilient, they didn’t lose their confidence in what they could achieve or their hope of reshaping their lives in a manner that is worth living, even in such dire circumstances.

We offered information, non-food items and vouchers, individual protection assistance and case management to the most vulnerable, supporting them to cover their most pressing needs, which were identified after a thorough assessment from a social worker – from support with information, translation and even financial coverage of treatment for children with health issues to covering the official translation of their documents to help mothers with employment or accessing some rights such as disability support. Where neglect or abuse cases were identified, they were reported to the appropriate authorities.

Mothers also received individual psychosocial support from qualified psychologists and could participate in support sessions organised by their peers, who we had previously trained following evidence-based methodologies such as Problem Management+ (PM+), a methodology developed by the World Health Organization and based on cognitive-behavioural therapy. PM+ was developed specifically for settings such as refugee crises when there is a great need for psycho-emotional support but a very low supply of qualified mental health professionals.

In this respect, within Terre des hommes (Tdh) Romania we made the conscious choice to hire as field workers (that is, those working directly with refugees) only people who spoke Ukrainian or Russian, with a couple of exceptions for new colleagues who already had experience of working with children through non-formal education methodologies, even if they spoke a different language from those children.

The psychosocial and recreational activities were highly popular with the children, who learnt through movement, games, sports and creativity (MGSC – a methodology developed by Tdh), art therapy or crafts to understand their emotions, process past trauma in some cases, open-up again to others, play together and develop their resilience. In the meantime, while the children were participating in these activities, their mothers could have a break and relax a bit, knowing that their children were doing things they enjoy in a safe space. As might be expected, for parents who wanted their children to feel a sense of continuity in their lives and were thinking about their future, participation in educational activities was at least equally important.

As we knew that colleagues from other organisations were doing a very good job of providing direct educational services in learning hubs, we focused on offering Romanian and English language classes, support to access the education system in Romania and integrate in it, including through anti-bullying activities, as well as recreational, sports and other community events bringing together both Romanian and Ukrainian children.

And since children are so passionate about technology, Tdh and its partners developed resilience innovation facilities (RIF) where children could learn to use new technologies such as 3D printers, laser cutters or robotic kits to make things they liked, could touch and keep. Additionally, within the RIF set-up by Tdh and its partners in Bucharest, Brasov, Constanta and Baia Mare, the use of technology is complemented by psychosocial learning. Children learnt to develop things together, plan and give feedback to each other and their teachers.

Finally, the other important component that Tdh addresses for the children is participation. Participation is the best way for children to make their voice heard and be part of the decisions that are made regarding their lives. We did this by setting up Child-led Advisory Boards (CABs) in Bucharest, Brasov and Constanta and supporting them to organise initiatives that they thought of, such as game events or healthy eating habits education for younger children. In all our activities we took into consideration the ages of the children and youth we worked with to have suitable activities for them.

In relation to authorities and other organisation, we focused on building partnerships. While comprehensive, not all the needs of refugees could be met by our interventions. As such, whenever cases appeared for which we did not have the expertise or capacity, we referred them to colleagues from partner organisations.

We advocated for the rights of unaccompanied and separated children arriving in Romania and addressed bullying in schools. We supported other actors in the field through training and coaching on various topics, from how to use different MHPSS methodologies such as MGSC and PM+ to safeguarding (making sure that no harm is provoked intentionally or unintentionally during a humanitarian intervention), case management and how to integrate refugee and migrant children in schools.

This wide range of activities may seem impressive, as well as the number of children and caregivers we reached during almost three years: 40,000. Tdh has not been the only organisation working in this field and the authorities have also been very active. So why is any support still needed after all this time?

To answer this, we need to use both our empathy and realism. Ukrainians came to Romania because it is a neighbouring country and it would have been very easy to return once the war was over. The hope was that the war would be over in a few months, maybe within a year. But that has not been the case. One of the most difficult things to accept is that you may never be able to get back to the home and life you left behind. As such, after only one or two years many began to think they should rebuild their lives in Romania with everything that this entails: learning the language, finding a job, building a new home.

The war in Ukraine coincided with other problems and crises in Europe: economic, energy, housing, food, climate and politics. For sure, it is not the best context in which to start a new life when maybe you don’t have savings and a place to live. Moreover, thousands of Ukrainians are not able to work. Either they are mothers with babies or disabled children who require constant care or they are older or have a disability. And the social system is still learning how to address these groups.

And, not least, real integration takes time. If we had to go and rebuild our lives in a pre-war Ukraine, how long would it take us ‘to integrate’? And now consider that you are a mother whose husband is fighting in the war or maybe a child whose father died on the front line. How easy would it be then?

Nevertheless, many have asked us: why don’t you have projects for Romanian children? Why do you have projects for the Ukrainians when our children are suffering? Look at how rich Ukrainians are. One answer is that Tdh, as well as the majority of NGOs working for refugees, does have projects for vulnerable Romanian children. Another answer is that while a small percentage of Ukrainians in Romania might be rich (something that has been promoted by a section of the media and in populist political discourses), it does not change the large number of vulnerable refugees: mothers who are desperate because they don’t have food for their children, families that end up in the street. And while we may not know the nationality of the increasing number of homeless people in Bucharest and other cities, the reports from social workers show that more and more of them are Ukrainians.

After almost three years, empathy towards Ukrainian refugees has become scarcer. More realistic arguments are needed, including the fact that Romania lacks both a qualified and unqualified workforce, which it currently ‘imports’ from Asia. Ultimately, however, empathy is what makes us human. And from this perspective, in Terre des hommes we truly believe that ‘every child deserves a childhood’.